According to the press release from the N. C. Wildlife Resources Commission Hayes was fishing on a private pond when his granddaughter asked him to hold her Barbie rod so she could go inside to the bathroom. “A few minutes later, the float went under and I saw the water start boiling up — I knew right then that I had my hands full with that fishing rod” said Hayes.

Now that’s a heartwarming fish story.

Could it be:

• An unknown and highly endangered marine mammal
• A sea turtle absent its shell (perhaps as a result of our Hawksbill-Turtle Bidet)
• The cast-off body parts of Michael Jackson or
• A discarded experiment from the government animal-disease research facility on Plum Island?

We could use something eloquent here. A bit of Robert Burns is in order:

Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim’rous beastie,
O, what panic’s in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi’ bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an’ chase thee,
Wi’ murd’ring pattle!

– From the poem To a Mouse –

In a report over at Boston Herald.com, Gregory B. Skomal, senior marine fisheries biologist with the state of Massachusetts shark research program said the annual hunt is one way the federal and state divisions of fisheries and wildlife keep tabs on the overall well-being of the shark population. That’s the kind of conservation thinking we like. Why theorize about animal populations when you can just cull a few and be darn sure of their numbers.

Speaking of sharks, be sure to sign up for the newsletter so that you can receive this week’s installment - The Great-White-Shark-Jaw Polar-Bear-Trap with Baby-Harbor-Seal Bait.

Hopefully as you have been poking around the blog you have come across our Stranger than Aardvark Fiction category entries. We thought we were strange ones as we were dreaming up imaginary items and putting the book together (I mean a Shellacked Llama Bladder-Spittoon - get serious). But sadly no. As it turns out there are individuals who are creating actual items that exceed even our bad taste (interested in a Deer-Rectum Door-Ringer?

Email us, your Stranger than Aardvark Fiction item and win a free copy of Sun-Dried Aardvark-Tongue Swizzle-Sticks

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For several weeks the dogs have been terrorizing a groundhog that has taken roost under our storage unit. Each morning they lurch out of the building, squealing like stuck pigs as they dash off to check on their prey and each day they come up empty handed (although they have managed several mouthfuls of groundhog fur). Each dog on its own is a good hunter .Yuki alone has managed to deplete an entire neighborhood of cats - including my mother’s (Hallmark doesn’t make a card for that). Amazingly however when they hunt together they are completely ineffective. They have managed to get and loose their target at least 15 times.

Clearly somebody needs to be put out of their misery. While we are not too worried about the groundhog, we would like to avoid any vet bills due to groundhog bites so we have set out a live trap. So far we have managed to catch a possum, a neighbor’s cat, and today a raccoon.

Interestingly none of these have ever made it into our Aardvark-Tongue field guide. That’s something that we will remedy in volume II.

What a dashing man about town needs to set the tone for the evening is a Cane-Toad Bow-Tie. We ordered ours today from Crocodile Australia.

The Cane Toad (bufo marinus) was first introduced into Australia from Hawaii in 1935. It was hailed as the cure to the ravages of the dreadful sugar cane beetle. Unfortunately like many guests, it has long overstayed its welcome and has since become a pest. That’s why we encourage you to put your fashion sense to good use – buy a Cane-Toad Bow-Tie and help wipe out this pesky amphibian.

While most items in our book are from our imagination, the Stranger than Aardvar Fictions items are 100% real. Crazy no?

Now there’s probably no rush since there are nearly 30 birds still in existence, down from 41 birds in 1999. Clearly if there are 41 birds it can’t be endangered so good thing they took it off the list. But now, with less than 30 birds the agency is going to conduct a one year status review, at the conclusion of which they will determine whether or not to re-list the bird. No word on how long that determination will take but it looks as if the annual loss rate is about 1.2 birds per year so they can probably delay making a decision for at least 25 years of so. Unless of course only males or females are dying off in which case you would have to half the time period but that still leaves 12 years to get it right.

Well I guess that about says it all, if we have 12 years to make a decision then the birds can’t be critically endangered can they?

Not only do they have a dead bird as their mascot (which is right up our alley) the service they provide accomplishes everything we could hope a social media site would do in only one or two clicks. Wander on over and . You will surely thank us.

So, have a beer, read up and donate a buck or two to celebrate.