The Aardvark’s Tongue

The perfect gift for this hunter? A groundhog.

For several weeks the dogs have been terrorizing a groundhog that has taken roost under our storage unit. Each morning they lurch out of the building, squealing like stuck pigs as they dash off to check on their prey and each day they come up empty handed (although they have managed several mouthfuls of groundhog fur). Each dog on its own is a good hunter .Yuki alone has managed to deplete an entire neighborhood of cats - including my mother’s (Hallmark doesn’t make a card for that). Amazingly however when they hunt together they are completely ineffective. They have managed to get and loose their target at least 15 times.

Clearly somebody needs to be put out of their misery. While we are not too worried about the groundhog, we would like to avoid any vet bills due to groundhog bites so we have set out a live trap. So far we have managed to catch a possum, a neighbor’s cat, and today a raccoon.

Interestingly none of these have ever made it into our Aardvark-Tongue field guide. That’s something that we will remedy in volume II.

For formal occasions when a tuxedo, or kilt with Prince Charles jacket are called for, a man needs a good bow-tie – one that set’s him apart from the crowd without coming off like a pipe smoking, tweed sporting professor of theoretical economic navel gazing. Sure you could go with the standard black silk variety (if you could actually figure out how to tie the damm thing) but its so…normal.

What a dashing man about town needs to set the tone for the evening is a Cane-Toad Bow-Tie. We ordered ours today from Crocodile Australia.

The Cane Toad (bufo marinus) was first introduced into Australia from Hawaii in 1935. It was hailed as the cure to the ravages of the dreadful sugar cane beetle. Unfortunately like many guests, it has long overstayed its welcome and has since become a pest. That’s why we encourage you to put your fashion sense to good use – buy a Cane-Toad Bow-Tie and help wipe out this pesky amphibian.

While most items in our book are from our imagination, the Stranger than Aardvar Fictions items are 100% real. Crazy no?

So here’s a little news item. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service is considering re-listing the Pygmy Owl as an endangered species in Arizona. The bird was first listed in 1997 and subsequently delisted in 2006.

Now there’s probably no rush since there are nearly 30 birds still in existence, down from 41 birds in 1999. Clearly if there are 41 birds it can’t be endangered so good thing they took it off the list. But now, with less than 30 birds the agency is going to conduct a one year status review, at the conclusion of which they will determine whether or not to re-list the bird. No word on how long that determination will take but it looks as if the annual loss rate is about 1.2 birds per year so they can probably delay making a decision for at least 25 years of so. Unless of course only males or females are dying off in which case you would have to half the time period but that still leaves 12 years to get it right.

Well I guess that about says it all, if we have 12 years to make a decision then the birds can’t be critically endangered can they?